How are Relationships Like a Mirror?
Mary Ann Pellegrino, EdD, LMHC
Why are some people able to get a stronger reaction from you than others? These reactions may be positive or negative. Why do you think this happens and do you have control over your response? Additionally, have you ever experienced a time in a relationship where you felt the other person had changed and you did not like how they had changed or how it affected you? In retrospect, do you think it was they who had changed or you? Why do these emotional responses and shifts in perspective happen, over and over again? Why do these similar patterns and experiences continue to recur?
It’s as if you are looking in a mirror, seeing the same patterns unfold. Usually, the results are the same—it’s the people that are different within the story. So, how can you get off this hamster wheel and change the reflections, allowing your life to evolve and grow? Let’s explore where these reflections originated. If everything around you is a direct reflection of you—a mirror—then you must examine the recurring patterns. To do this effectively, look deep into your belief system(s) to determine where these behaviors first emerged. Your belief system is the mirror.
Think about all the different people that have come and gone throughout your life. They are all a reflection of you, who you are and who you tend to judge. Have you ever noticed that you like to be around certain people yet don’t know why you like being around them? It’s because they are familiar and reflect you in some way. On the flip side, there are people you do not care to be around yet they are in your life. They are either reflecting you in some way or there is something about them that you are judging.
Basically, what is happening within these mirror reflections is an opportunity to learn more about yourself so you can examine and challenge your core belief system to create better alternatives. It may be difficult to think that you are creating these lessons for yourself. However, when you stop and examine the potential for learning, the outcomes can cause great personal growth.
What if you truly understood these mirror reflections and the lessons they hold? Can you imagine how they will transform who you are and the way you think? Let’s examine further. Would you say you are not the same person you were 10 years ago? What have you learned since then and who were the people that helped you learn and grow? Think who was around 10 years ago and how they mirrored you then, yet those same people may not fit into your life now. Why? Because you have evolved, learned and re-examined your belief system. Even though each mirror reflection may be difficult to understand, every one is a lesson for you to learn to love yourself and challenge your beliefs in order to develop a healthier lifestyle.
Wisdom Tip: Begin to notice who you are attracted to in different circumstances. Observe if you are looking at a repeated pattern from your past. Take the time to examine your friends, who you choose to be around, who attracts you and why. Ask yourself what you feel towards them and the situation. Are you having any emotional experiences? Why? You must be an objective observer to see the hidden shadows of yourself. This is not an easy process and it takes humility and understanding towards yourself. We are here to learn and evolve. Looking within yourself and at those around you is the beginning to forming a new roadmap to help reach your destination of being a happier, healthier you!
Dr. Mary Ann Pellegrino, lifelong learner and educator, has an extensive formal education, including five degrees with a doctorate in Education Leadership and Counseling. She has studied around the world, with shamans from the Peruvian Amazon, Nepal and Patagonia, Argentina to Taoist Masters from China. She has worked as an educator, psychotherapist, author, Supreme Court certified mediator, and holistic coach. At present, she is the owner of Pellegrino Consulting and co-founder and CEO of Wisdom De-Coded. For more information, visit WisdomDeCoded.com.
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